Thank you for scolding a person of me

That was 1959, an unusual time. I have become a new student of school that has enjoyed the great reputation for a long time. I have come to this school excitedly, the form master reaching me signs and registers. This one. This school promises to set up the small-scale class and real library, it seems it is a equipment that is assigned properly, suitable for the place for study, and day when I look forward to starting a new term wholeheartedly comes early.
By noon, I think everything is still just in accordance with the wish. But in play time, when it is convenient to sit as me in a small separate room in the toilet, I have heard several girls coming in - --I estimate they have three people. What made me downhearted is, I realize quickly, they are discussing me obviously, and use the most unprincipled word. They fall over each other to find fault to me, laugh at my hair, my weight, my shoes and socks, my dress, my voice, and my bearing bearing. I wonder who has found my shoes shown from another separate room of the same toilet, "oh, God! She is just here. " I hear a girl speaking in a low voice, the sound that they leave away hurriedly that then come.
The most awkward thing that I must face at that time is, under the close examination stretching every nerve on three pairs of eyes, how to get back to that classroom. I understand girl those can some regret I to suspect they afraid I will distinguish voice of them perhaps at that time, but my time in the school is too short, can not recognize yet. To me, every girl in that classroom is doubtful, have already in several minutes when and in the toilet warned me that has been clearly "  Theirs "  The school, I am only an unwelcome intruder.  ()
In this world, things that numerous children 11 years old meet are all very abominable, difficult to state in language, so, my story seems not worth mentioning. Every child stepping foot on a new school, may all have a kind of incompatible, fall feeling widowedly and joyous, the ones that combined with that kind of child's naivety in childhood are greatly alarmed, these things less than satisfactory are all not at all surprising. And it is unusual to only have this which I meet, because its influence on causing on my emotion becomes the spiritual burden for many years of one of my loads.
I have in heart and launch fierce struggle, the efforts of risking one's life by oneself, not making one's own mood out of control, for unbending and noble-minded and unwilling to swim with the tide natural disposition, I do not want to let my enemy know (they have already become my enemy) How deep their injury to me is, they have evoked my lofty or bottomless anger, as I fully realize this has been already too late. Just think if I could realize this at that time, would outroar, went out of the toilet, compete head-on against those girls, perhaps this is passed to the trial of strength scolded early, but the shed heartily of the tears is put down.
But I do not possess that kind of insight, lack and deal with this kind of emotion which opposes the situation to store. On the contrary, in order to safeguard one's own psychological line of defence, make it avoid injuring, though I fly into a rage from shame, not also breaking out, I have got back to that classroom again. Even in several months, the psychology that I construct a hard and incomparable, achillean with my anger is protected layer in several following weeks, use it parcel heart of me tight, soul to defend me. ()
I seek consolation in a large amount of reading material, it makes me tend to be ripe innocently too early, compared with my classmate, this will make me produce a kind of sense of superiority, it was graceful that they favoured carousing and surfing of beer, I begin to write poem and novel, write for the literature publication of the school voluntarily, devoted to studying intensively music, chorus who participate in school at the same time, do in the big and small orchestra to the persons who play. Gradually, I have been admitted by others and my person with a common goal, if we are abandoned children in the society, we can become the abandoned child together at least. I will be putting my talent to good use constantly, will especially write the talent of the respect, I begin to struggle and break some reputation for oneself through individual, and never extravagantly hope to rely on the companion's appreciation to praise, and the accumulation of writing year in year out has already given me a kind of accurate strength of penetrating that think to the person's natural instinct.
Those girls should say it is very abominable to my behavior, but the more abominable one is, I am planted in soul them deeply, and bear so heavy a mental burden and pass by my whole adolescence to my hostility and discrimination.
Only when finding a creative leading the mouth off in my anger, I begin to realize: In the long run, those bring the girl who shook so in life to me, in fact make me benefit a great deal all one's life. They seem it is not like an enemy again, but the specific child 11 years old subjects to the domination of some snobbish thoughts in that age bracket that should be cursed, collision offense accidentally. I can spy on myself them, I can see clearly them through my experience too. Thus impel my personality to change direction introversively, turn to and is engaged in the literature writing, look from this angle, it is they that aid with great strength, have opened a gate leading to world for me.